ThoughtsIJot

I was in pain, reached out to her
confided fears to my soul sister
To check my nerves and tell me why
I lose always that I hold high

In her confide, my trembling heart
flashbacks rehearsed and memory’s chart
layed down, as I begged for mercy
what was my fault, pls tell me why

lowered eyes and tightened lips
tongue tied, words burried deep
so read my mind as they imply
the afterthoughts, try tell me why

She looked at me n gave a sigh
Be patient, on your faith rely
I gazed her glance, my keen ear cry
To at once know, ‘please tell me why’

Tighter you hold,tighter your grip
free flowing life, through cracks may slip
Open your fist, let it breath, let it fly
let a new dawn break open in your eye

Did the whys and replies, lie right in my head?
I searched, I roamed the whole world instead
my inner voice screamed to let go and try
to embrace the pain and let sorrow die

Aruna, 09/06/2020

Tried throwing my inhibitions
and leap into the unknown
Engulfed with emotions,
a myriad of thoughts were born

All the right and the so-called wrongs
played twister in my head zone
Copious deals of a wasted mind
prisoned me, when left alone

Happy potion drunk and burped
Mind castles built, no rock no stone
Lost all, in the happiness trade,
One good life dreamt, left with none

Tried in vain to put back my pain
Nightmares kicked in and fears reborn
Catastrophic flashbacks wrecked my brain
Wicked clutches break my bone

Worms crawl all over sucking blood
Unwanted brutal closeness shown
Begged mercy , deamons snatched instead
my voice, my existence undone

Wrapped what was left, to start anew
Faced but with painful questions ton
Piercing eyes shunned my rights
to live again, to stand and run

Yet gathered self and stood again
All tragedies in dungeons thrown
Here i am to face the world,
to end it where it had begun

My story needs no tragic end
I’ll bind it all, the pages torn
No worldly notions will fail me
I’m bound to win, see me as won

Aruna – June 1′ 2020

Achanak se akasmaat hota hai sab
Dabe kadmo se, bin bulaye mehmaan sa koi
Roz marraah ki zindagi me dakhal de raha ho jaise
Zehenme kuch bina dastak diye, daakhil ho raha ho jaise
Anchahe uss khayalaat me gum ho jata hai fir sab
Akasmaat, achanak se hota hai sab

Achanak se hota hai sab
Bahar ki duniya muh par darwaja de maar raha ho jaise
Chotese ik daraar se, dhundhla sa kuch nazar aa raha ho jaise
Bass ek sunnnn si awaaz, Sunayi de raha ho jaise
Apnon ke oar ka fasla raftaar se badh raha ho jaise
Sab kuch behad door nazar aa raha hai ab
Hairat, achanak se hota hai ye sab

Achanak se hota hai sab
Qaid parindesa tadapkar bhi, chup rehne ki taleem ho jaise
Muh se ek labz nahi nikalta, zabaan kat chuka ho jaise
Daudkar bahar nikalna hai par koi andar hi jakad raha ho jaise
Paironpe bediya, hathome hathkadiya ho jaise
Chod sangharsh samjhaota aap se kar raha hai ab
Bebas, achanak se hota hai ye sab

Aruna, 30 May’2020

Aaj fir ek sapna toot gaya

Aaj fir sapnon ki nagri me ek laash baramat hui

Aaj fir khoon hua kinhi ankahe sapnonka

Aaj fir gala ghot diya kayeen ansune sapnonka

Wahi Sapna… jo na jeene deta hai, na marne

khuli aakhon me basa hua sapna

Band aakhon mein bhi apni jagah banane wala sapna

kabhi zehan me, kabhi dilonme,

kabhi kisike poore astitva me rehne wala sapna

Aisa sapna, jo kisko itna jhanjhod deta hai,

ki usey uska jeena marna sab ek sa lagta hai…

Aaj fir un sapnon ne dam tod diya,

Aaj fir un sapnon ne jeena chod diya,

Aaj fir, woh sapna kisike chote kamre ke unchi chhat par tange pankheinse latka mila

Aaj fir, woh sapna kisike aankhomein hi kaid reh gaya,

wahi, usi kamre me goonjte hue siskiyon me simat gaya

Tum kahoge…

Sapna hi to hai, fir jee uthega

Aaj kisike nazronse gira, kal kisike palkome basega

Darrasal, tum sach kehte ho,

Sapna kabhi mara hi na tha,

woh kisi bhi kaid me, kisike adheen kahan hai

woh bhatakta rahega rooh ki tarah

kabhi kisiki gali kabhi kisi aur ki gali apni jagah banake rakhega

Marte to log hai,

unn sapnon pe apna sabkuch lutane wale

Unn sapnonke peeche bhagne wale

Majaal kisiki jo un toote hue sapnon ke sath jeeta

Par sapna na hota, to kya ye log zinda bhi hote?

Ajeeb kashmakash hai,

Tere rehte na chain tha, na tere jane ke baad rahega

Mai rahu na rahu, tu har dam aabad rahega

Aruna – 27 May’20

I tested my resistance and tried
my ill luck in vain and cried
Yet all the pain you gave me
kept telling that you loved me

My self worth i often killed
with self pity and self guilt filled
wet pillows with stubborn stains
softly prayed that you loved me

I went ahead and self distanced
every word of hope sentenced
to eternal stillness, yet Whispers
shout out that you loved me

Wow, is it that i need attention
or a slightest shortest mention
in your eyes i searched those
confessions that you loved me

Each crossing homely motions
filled with hushed emotions
a touch, a tale, a twinkle
in your eye could say you loved me

And here I wished you told me
a gesture that could hold me
back in your life, which was once
ours, when i knew you loved me

Amidst all your ignorance,
and all the lengthy silence
I wish to trust you loved me
Still wish to trust, you loved me

Aruna, 25 May’ 2020

I erased, I blocked, I deleted him
No memories of his on my phone
No more going back to his texts
No headphones buzzing his voice notes
No more day dreams, no nightmares I bet
I’ll surely get over him, I thought

I closed my eyes with a mastered smile

The peace of having moved on

And that is when all fell apart
And that is when it dawned upon
All those memories that kept me glued
came rushing gushing back to me
Its just a flash, before its done, I thought
All thats dusted will be gone

His words once more, ringed in my ears
His love, his gestures, spread right out there
Like a projector put in the inner walls
of my eyes, corners flooded with mere tears
I erased in vain all that was his
What I couldn’t erase was still within
All that is, was his, is still with me
Will stay with me, until I’m gone??

-Aruna, 12 May’ 2020

As his loving arms tighten around me, 

All I feel is his heavy grip

Soft touches, caressed tracings

Having long vanished in the air thin

Efforts in vain of a weakened love,

Begin to take a steep dip

As I am crushed beneath the feelings

That is no more in the scene

Aruna, 18 April’ 2020

All around me there is a mess

Do you think I’m well equipped?

All I do is stand and stare

More filth, more trash sheepishly dumped

This trash will not just bury me

You and you will join along

None will be spared of the evil grip

The whole world will sing the death song

I can step back and sit aside

Or I shall help you, if you help be mine

Together we can, if we only try

To keep this mess far away, as we define

Now I know my tool is you

As yours am I even if you deny

Either it’s we who fight along

Or you and I together die

I choose life for us with no mess,

No chaos and no distress

From our balconies let’s sing along,

‘This too shall pass, this too shall pass’

Aruna, 17-03-2020

–

Frown ablaze, flushed-face throng

Wide-eyed, lips curled

I’m right, you are wrong

Spits the whole wide world

 

Rushing, gushing, pelting stones

Thoughts Bizarre run haywire

Trespassing, barging, breaking bones

Inhuman brains, Satan’s hire

 

Divide and rule, the age-old tricks

Can’t let us break, nor make us bow

The whats and whys of politics

Knowledge seekers shall question now

 

Shun one word and hundreds rise

More strong, more stern, determined

Its ‘hurricane’, dare call it ‘breeze’

Will blow your mind, will stand unified.

 

-Aruna / 08-01-2020

I had a friend

He came from somewhere

And disappeared into nowhere

Have you ever seen him?

 

I had a friend

He knew my hearts despair

And offered to repair

Have you ever known him?

 

I had a friend

My beaten soul persists

To know if he exists

Have you ever been him?

 

Have you ever been, my friend?

-Aruna

Jan 06′ 2020