ThoughtsIJot

I often stare into the darkness,
Thinking hard, what talents I possess?
Am I able at this or better at that?
Or am I utterly knocked or what?

For, have I taken the wrong pathway?
A bouncy route where waits dismay
Should I try a bit and voice my mind?
Begging, they would understand

Or maybe they would laugh out hard
And would then be a dispersed crowd?
Do I dire need a crowd or an ear to care
Or wipe off all the thoughts unclear?

Need endless words to strike new chords
And learn new twirls or cast new pods
A see-through glass my words shall be
So transparent, you’ll see through me

And hence my doubts will disappear
My existence will know no fear
My weaklings’ weak, I seek your hand
My podium waits, God help me stand

God help me stand and tell the world
I’m here to stay, my brains are fueled
With fresher thoughts and a clearer mind
I’m here to stay, God help me stand
…
I’m here to stay, God help me stand

-Aruna, 24 Nov’20

A constant sinking feeling
and the emotional turmoil
that you are the only one left in the whole world,
all alone, devastated;
Not a soul around
to hold you up, to save you.
And the realization that
you are not sick. You are just in another bad phase called being alive
Yet wanting to end all of it;
Eventually, leaving you broken beyond repair.
The feeling of being left out and stuck;
And the knowledge that it is all within you,
You are the creator and the destroyer.
Yet, being unable to move an inch from where you are,
like an invisible force pushing you even further down the dungeons.
The persistent nervous ticking in your head
telling you to smile and forget
and move ahead,
to get up and run.
But, you are still there,
lying motionless.
Your body a mere bundle of mass and bones,
ready to collapse;
Chipped and charred,
with a hundred scars;
Waiting for,
Just a call, a hand to hold
to spring back to life;
a life that you always dream of,
a life full of life,
And not a life
where,
living is just being alive.

-Aruna, 10-09-2020

Rewrote this….

Aaj fir ek sapna toot gaya

Aaj fir sapnon ki nagri me ek laash baramat hui

Aaj fir katl hua kayeen ansune bezubaan khwabonka

Wahi khwab jo zehenme uddham macha deta hai

Wahi khwab jo zidpe adaa rehta hai

Khuli aankohnme basta hua sapna

Kabhi aksme, kabhi roohme

kabhi poore wajood me ghulne wala sapna

Aaj fir un sapnon ne dam tod diya,

Aaj fir un sapnon ne jeena chod diya,

Aaj fir, woh sapna kisike chote kamre ke

unchi chat par tange pankheinse latka mila

Aaj fir, woh sapna kisike aankhomein hi kaid reh gaya,

wahi, usi kamre me goonjte hue siskiyon me simat gaya

Tum kahoge…

Sapna hi to hai, fir jee uthega

Aaj kisike nazronse gira, kal kisike palkome ja basega

Darrasal, tum sach kehte ho,

Khwaab kabhi marta nahi, Kisi kaid me rehta nahi

Bhataka rehta hai harsu, Kabhi kisi jagah rukta nahi

Marte to log hai,

unn sapnon pe apna sabkuch lutane wale

Unn sapnonke peeche bhagne wale

Hairat magar ke, sapna na hota to kya hota

Na jeene ki wajah hoti, na jazba hota

Ajeeb kashmakash hai,

Tere rehte na chain tha, na tere jane ke baad rahega

Mai rahu na rahu, tu har dam aabad rahega

Bass ek iltija hai dost,

Toote khwabonko kar alvida

Naye khwabonki talaash jari rakh

Dostonse mil, pyar kar

baatonme beshumari rakh

Aaj bikhre hai ummeed to gam na kar

Naye khwab bator, dilke kone me ek kyari rakh

Mushkilein to aani hai, aakar rahegi

To bass, Mushkilon ko jeetne ki tayyari rakh

When you know its ending
and you still keep going,
When you know it’s failing
but you still keep trying

When your heart is aching
but you cant stop loving,
Paper love keeps ripping
but you don’t quit stitching,

Know you’re doomed
know you’re lost
know you’re at the edge
and just need a nudge

You can give in or you can turn back
You may burn ash, or pick your rucksack
And travel hard, forget whats done
Look back and smile,at each milestone

When you know its ending
and its not the perfect ending
If your hearts still beating
Know that life is still unfolding

A life ahead, with love ahead
No paper love , its instead
A perfect hug , a perfect kiss
No perfections, yet perfect bliss

Aruna, Aug 4′ 2020

Dragged onto his life,
sweat soaked
tanned and tarred,
sun baked

For every step that
he would take
would bring home bread,
oh heaven’s sake

And so he pulled
his cart ahead
his 60s figure, five
tummies fed

While hundreds bathed

In the beach sun

He smiled away with

‘A perfect tan’

Aruna, Aug 03’2020

Not all that glitters is gold, and how true that holds to the situation we currently are in. Once, the most sort after three words in our corporate world is now somewhat equivalent to a punishment to many of us. I do not intend to undermine the benefits that this work culture has brought us.

‘Work from home’ as it is adorably baptized, has its own set of pros and cons, as any such initiative that involves people would have. People, who are diverse, in thoughts and needs, in preferences and behavior. Every individual has his own likes and beliefs. To cater everyone equally would have been a task to even the great God’s and hence many see to the current situations and the wfh culture, which has become a new norm due to such situations as an opportunity while many are still wondering, when would all this come to an end.

The pre-covid era has seen a different emotion in the millennials who spoke highly of the wfh culture. It was seen as a privilege that only a few were bestowed upon, the selected lucky few. While the rest of the world cribbed about the body hugging, sweaty routines in the local trains and the never ending stench that greeted with glee every morning; these privileged few enjoyed a cup of coffee right from the comfort of their king-sized beds while their sweethearts lay right on their laps, looking all wide-eyed at them. Shh, Do not read between the lines. I am just talking about their laptops. Ah, so you get the picture of how lucky those chosen ones were. Not to forget the hundred pleas and promises we made to be one among them.

‘Take you call’, a mail from HR would pop up only to remind you that if you take a leave – be it due to heavy rains, floods or any natural calamity, or even if a train derailed – just forget about your salary. The middle class poor chaps that we are, soon get lured into those honey soaked words and try to swim our ways to the workplace, Jaan Jaye par ek din ki salary na Jaye. And that is exactly when we knelt down the altars and prayed our hearts out , ‘Oh Lord, make work from home a new norm’ ‘Amen, your prayers would be answered’, the Gods would have whispered, and that is how we ended up here, to the new norm.

And once work from home was invited home to whichever corner it could fit in, right from the living room to the lit corner in the bedroom to literally our beds as well, things took a 360 degree turn. The most awaited union now starts looking like a ghost sitting right on your shoulders sucking your blood, slowly and steadily.

Although it was a gradual process. It came in as a newly wed bride, shyly, with a smile spread ear to ear and soon became everyone’s favourite. At first it seems like she is trying to adjust, oh poor one, but sooner than later, things move in a set fashion, she soon tries to co-exist and then one fine day she is the one who is ruling everyone, physically and mentally. Boss, if you think you can ignore her, go think again. Do not forget, she is the sole bread winner while you are just a unemployed entity without her. The unsaid rule being, he rules who brings food on the plate.

And so she continues ruling our lives day in and day out, even in our subconscious. Now we start thinking again, did we really want this so bad? It was good staying apart and being happy for the rest of our lives than getting her home.

I’m sure many of my colleagues won’t agree with me on how things are with her, they are of course the happily married once without even the slightest rifts. God bless their togetherness.

My heart goes to the ones who are still thinking about the what ifs. Please do not dare think about a divorce, that is rather not one of your cards to play, stay put. All you have to do is not to let her into your heads. Give her complete attention that she deserves and then do not forget to give yourself some space that you and your family equally deserves. Take more control of the situation in hand and learn to value your time as much as you value your work. Your work is only as good as you are, stay sane🙂

Lastly, Don’t worry peeps…good days are just around the corner🤗

love, Aruna

11th July 2020

Tujhpe nirbhar nahi hun abhi

tune mujhe swawalambi jo banne diya

Teri yaad firbhi rehreh ke aati hai ma

Teri baaton ki mithaas har meethe se badhkar laga

ma ke lal jaisi bigdi nahi thi ma ki bitiya kabhi

tune har tadke me pyar dhalna sikhaya jo tha

teri yaad firbhi rehrehke aati hai ma

tere haath ka jadu mere khane me hamesha kamtar raha

yoon to, ek phone call ka hi tha faasla

Ik challang se mit jati thi aisi dooriyan

Teri yaad firbhi rehrehkar aati hai ma

aaj ye doori bohot jyada kyon hai khalne laga

Mai roti to tu godi mera sar rakh ashwasan deti

gale se lagati, teri dhadkano se roobaroo karti

teri yaad reh reh ke aa rahi hai ma

Aashankaaon ka sailaab mann me jo uthne laga

Daud aaungi tere paas jo ye rok khatm hua

dua me teri salamati ki harpal rakhti hun chaah

Teri yaad reh reh ke sata rahi hai ma

Tujhse milkar hi khatm hoga, dilme utha dhua

Aruna, 10 June’2020